i woke up with socks on this morning
so?
i didnt wear socks last night
No, I'm never going to get a job bc I don't know anything about public relations except that Chris Crocker wants everyone to leave Britney alone.
I just realized that the music from spongebob is also used in real sex HBO.
Dude, we somehow need to leave discretely with the toilet brush.
just leaving uw hospital. they thought i had franzia-induced appendicitis. whaaaaat
WHERE ARE MY FUCKING EYEBROWS?!
all I know is I'm really rwfly really really stoned and a bunch of Korean people are yelling at me
Well anything after a French guy would have been a disappointment. But I'm fairly certain he was just trying to masturbate into me.
Just remember my house smells of thick cut bacon and I have a big dick.
It wasn't a basement apartment, it's his parents basement. And he wanted to show me his pet tarantula collection. I NOPED THE FUCK OUT!
It could happen. I haven't creeped the rest of the guest list yet.
Just creeped. Everyone is a passable 7. Orgy is a go!
I just tried to brush my hair with a can opener. Who gave you that brownie
When we left, you were on your third beer. When we came back to grab you, you had a pint glass half full of whiskey and had convinced the band to give you a microphone.
it's like that time i was drunk at relay for life. but with balloon animals...
I do not recommend playing football on LSD like at all
Randomize
