Sweetheart, you've always been a horrid bitch...
Dude sorry i couldnt seem to spell any words right in the texts i sent you last night
I felt like a fucking code breaker.
If they ask for a stool sample we r no longer friends.
I just blindly shoved it in. I'm still not sure which hole I got.
He thanked me for being "his little blond pogo stick last night". Good thing?
Can you call him, he said something about going to the balcony to pee and now hes texting me saying hes lost
A burger king employee called me from your phone while you were on their bathroom floorl. Hope ur not in jail....4 realz
These old men are woofing at me..PLEASE HURRY
It doesn't feel like real life when you open your hotel room door and the first person you see is wearing a rabbit costume. I'm too hungover for this.
AND I JUST BURNT MY BACON. WTF MONDAY. SCREW YOU TOO
all i remember is slapping you in the face with a slice of pizza while laughing maniacally.
I want you more than I want a burrito.
I'm not as filling.
Hey I didn't mean to come across like I was judging you about your liberal sexual choices. I would like details of your threesome if you need to talk about it!
One lesson I've learned so far from college: You've always got time for one more shot. Always
I do very much feel like vomiting. and I have no idea where that lighter came from. thank you for coming to my TED Talk.
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