Someone should tell Glenda that I only hang with her because she makes me look prettier.
Just saw cops pull over the ice cream truck. What a dick
for a minute I thought I needed to put on pants to go get a burrito, but then I remembered I'm in college
My vagina is scared and excited at the same time. It might not be able to sleep tonight.
Just had a handjob preempted by a huge bolt of static electricity leaping from her fingertip to my sack. I hate this time of year.
Just ran four miles to popeye's. And back. Dedication.
I've fucked 6 of my brothers' friends. I'm completely fine with him fucking the girl we ate lunch with.
For a pair of gay men you destroy a lot of vagina.
Best feedback on my performance so far: "There are things that can't be unseen."
Everybody needs breakup sex. You just happened to get yours from a dude who hasn't reached the point of breakup yet. No biggie.
You partied and then got cock slapped, Don't tell me you didn't have fun
This is not the first time I've recognized my body is subconsciously trying to make pizza.
Not my lover. I would rather lose all my teeth, and I fucking love my teeth.
You call it sex. I call it penis conditioning.
I know it's New Year's Eve but if you're going to have a bunch of chicks playing strip go fish in our apartment I need a heads up.
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