Seriously, stop being so datable w your movie/song prefs
There are traffic cones in the living room. One of them is yours.
SEE! I KNEW I HAD A LONG-TERM REASON FOR BEING A SLUT!
he just used "boss" and "boner" in the same sentence. I cant respond.
All three women i have fucked in the past week are here in the same bar. Gameface, go.
Gonna go for any of them?
Thursday night girl, but friday is watching and tuesday is serving us.
I told him I would only take his calls if he was dead, dying, capturing a midget, or buying me shots.
I stand by my new policy.
Nothing quite like coming out of an alcohol induced blackout walking down Spruill Avenue carrying a silver briefcase full of IT tools you don't know where they came from. This is my life.
She had a tattoo on her pelvis that said "it's cock-o-clock" an had clocks and hot dogs exploding away from it. I'd like to tell you it was deal breaker buuuuuuut.......
struggle bus is officially taking me on a road trip to hell. If this is just the first destination, I'll jump out the fucking window.
Best sex of my life. But I think it's because I like his apartment. Really nice bed sheets. High vaulted ceilings. I wanted to lay there forever.
You're getting old. Was it located in a nice school district for your future offspring?
I was packing a bowl naked and her dog just stared at me with pure rage
THE EAGLE HAS MY PANTIES. I REPEAT. THE FUCKING MASCOT HAS MY PANTIES.
HOLY SHIT. You're my hero.
By the way I can not feel my vagina. It's like it's asleep. What the hell did you do?
My dog and I just went outside to pee together.
Yea.. And you'll love me a whole lot more when I start letting my vagina make all the decisions..
Randomize