jackpot. dress really slutty so he knows you mean business
the nicest thing hes ever said to me is give me head.......please
Some dude just bet me $8 I couldn't smoke a pack of cigarettes in an hour...It sounds stupid, but I really wanna do it. If I survive, I'll have $8 and it'll look good on my resume.
It's not every day you get to see a girl fuck herself with a pickle.
I look at sleeping with him as a way to get up in the world. He will lead me on to bigger and better penises.
I convinced every single one of my cousins to bring me a glass of wine. I was the alcoholic queen and they were my subjects.
You may now shotgun with the bride
I can't even properly respond cuz I'm ballsdeep in falafel
In other news there is a guy at my office who I'm pretty sure will be wearing someone's skin as a coat one day.
I don't want to flatter myself but after the way he was looking at me today I think it might be me.
somehow attending a funeral viewing turned into me snorting cocaine in the bathroom and drawing ninja turtles for children
I think someone tried to make a huge bowl of ramen in my bathtub. There's noodles everywhere in my bathroom.
Gonna try and have sex in the empire state bldg, will tell you how it goes
He asked the waiter, at 6:40 am, drunk, if they served alcohol. After he said no, he's like 'well, I guess we can eat then.'
when i was on the highway she passed out and knocked my transmission into nuetral with her forehead...that was an experience
She shouldn’t care what consenting adults do behind closed doors
You do realize it was her husband you were hooking up with behind that door, right?
Randomize
