Im watching hello kitty on qvc debating if its a good idea to cook bagel bites on my space heater
He went soft
Wait. During?
Yeah, he was IN. MY. MOUTH.
We were just about to get down to business and shes like oh the olympics! and jumped up and turned on the tv. cockblocked by freestyle skiing. seriously?
Who won mens moguls?
That canadian guy... bilodeau... but you're missing the point, dude.
I don't know if I want to cry scream puke or go somewhere and drink more. This is such a weird emotion.
Long story short, the rash from your last birthday party told me not to go to this one.
Archery is over so let's go back to not giving a fuck for the next 3 years and 11 months
They invited me day drinking but brought their kids. 3 two year olds and 1 11 month old. I was asked to change a diaper, I laughed and took another drink of this margarita. I LIKE CHANEL AND TEQUILA NOT CHILDREN. Can we make new friends?
It's a whole movie about Joseph Gordon-Levitt watching porn and having sex... I NEED to own it..
OMG I WAS JUST THINKING ABOUT HOW OUR FRIENDSHIP IS SO REAL BECAUSE I SHOW YOU DICK PICS AND WE LAUGH TOGETHER.
He really only has clothes, like 4 boogie boards, and a bong here.
My dad found my bra hanging from my rear view mirror. Happy long weekend.
He left stubble rash on my thighs and cooked me bacon before 9am. I need to lock this down STAT
Update: I spent 10 minutes trying to fish out a rogue vagina weight.
Your dad was just slow dancing with the priest and holding a beer. Classic
Never thought I’d use my computer science degree for teledildonics, but here I am
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