How do you know one of your one night stands hasn't produced a child? You may have hundreds of kids.
Pretty sure I don't. One night stands are purely anal..no exceptions.
She said my main job as maid of honor is to ensure the groom doesn't find out that each of his seven groomsmen has had his penis inside her.
Housing is going to charge us for any broken dishes/glassware. Steal as many glasses as you can from the bars tonight. I got the baking dish and 3 plates covered.
i just declared my major based on how close the department building was to our apartment. laziness has been brought to a new level
passed a homeless guy with a sign that read "420 vetran" we gave him a bowl of bud
oh dont worry, my liver will give out way before i get skin cancer
On the back of that comment, I've formed a theory that as a result of my brainwashing your drunk self actually believes that beards are your calling.
Met my future wife peeing in the men's room. I stood in for the missing door on the stall. We really hit it off talking about how her butt didn't even touch the seat from all the years of squat lifting in high school.
Is the Chairman of the College Republicans throwing upon your toilet right now? 'Murica!
Is there a coat check? I stole 10 vases of flowers along with two bottles of champagne and I'm not sure what to do with them.
So unless we're getting married, I can't see him cry AND have sex with him. It just doesn't work like that.
So now I have had sex with 2 people my son graduated high school with.
Man, it's really obvious that I was either handcuffed or tied up last night. Either way, not something you'd want coworkers knowing.
Wait... why were you finger painting at one in the morning?
Want a bet? I'm a kinky and determined motherfucker with a libido that is not easily stopped
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