He called me a "functional alcoholic" like its a bad thing.
dude stop sending me pictures of your dick in weird places. i get it. you rock out with your cock out.
i dont care how hungover you are, go back to the frat house and get him. HE IS 11.
I found ecstasy taped in my armpit... thank you drunk Marissa.
My drug dealer just texted me that his kid had a rough sleep and was running late to deliver the ounce to my office. Totes adorbs.
To my ex and my favorite mistake: I totally enjoyed hearing you have erectile disfunction via baby monitor!
He came when he saw that my nipples were pieced
Do you have any pix of it limp? I wanna see the metamorphosis, like a cock caterpillar turning into a giant beautiful cock butterfly!
Please come home, i don't want to feel like basket garbage girl but I'm in your alleyway and not sure how to change that.
I heard you were drinking whiskey straight from the bottle last night.
Actually I was drinking whiskey straight from 3 bottles, but that is neither here nor there.
She called it a palate cleanser. She and her friend dike it out once a year before returning to dick
Together or do they pick up? How far do they go? IS AN AUDIENCE PERMITTED? GODAMIT ANSWERS MAN!!!!!!
By chance and just chance did you find a cock ring? By chance
It was the needle in the haystack of teary, unpleasant handjobs.
Remember how we use to say "this will be the year I'll get my shit together!" And like we stopped doing that because we know that isn't happening anytime soon.
She shit herself again. We're calling her the "Queen of Sharts".
Randomize