Lol speaking of weird...he just sent me a naked pic of himself that said "meow" at the bottom.
if all i could do was poop and smoke weed, i'd be eternally happy
amen to that sister
three words: i give head
three words: not that well
All signs point to mom being high. 1) making chicken at 2 am. 2) dancing to smooth jazz. 3) she asked where the peanut butter was
He told me to pick a safe word. I said 'cactus' and he said I wasn't taking this seriously and that I wasn't cut out for s&m.
We're going to play a drinking game. It's called "Senior Year of College."
There's two sisters at this place and they look competitive. Try for a threesome tonight?
And I might get them triple pierced after that
Damn, I didn't realize you'd declared war on airport metal detectors
I just almost said to a customer "P as in Pussy"
My bathroom smells like artichokes and absinthe. I am naming a perfume after you and using the money to buy new towels.
Well I can't be held accountable to know every which time you slid a finger here or slid a finger there. I'm way too busy getting close to climaxing to document these things.
Some guy I'd never met and didn't invite threw the punch bowl at the wall and set the plastic skeleton on fire. I don't think we'll be getting the full deposit back
Two questions: Did you enjoy your birthday present and how did i wake up with glitter all over my dick?
We're just starting to open presents and I already need a shot. This is gonna be a long Christmas day.
Sorry. I was preoccupied thinking about penises
Randomize
