did the walk of shame from ex-boyfriend's room only to find other ex-boyfriend sitting in the living room. some people shouldn't be allowed to be friends.
some people shouldn't be allowed to be desperate.
Talk about awkward... Just went to dinner with my mother and realized I fucked our waiter the night before. She HAD to see the looks he was giving me!
My doctor just informed me that my food allergies qualify me for a medical marijuana license. I get it on Tuesday. It won't help at all, but my life is awesome!
well we are all hammered and my parents are reminiscing about all the times they drove us home drunk from Christmas
Have you ever seen an entire lecture hall fist pump? It's magical.
Wearing the BK Crown on the throne while dropping the kids off at the pool? Yes, one of my life's goals. Win
Just got done reading an 11 page essay for class. Took me three fucking days and the only thing I have highlighted is the name "Alexander Cockburn"
ummm i just drove by ur house and ur passed out on the porch. please call me when u get this
im sorry but you know it was a good night when you got tasered on the ass and didnt even feel it
Every time you started making out for him we all cheered for you... that's what sorority sisters do - they cheer you on when you make bad life decisions at the bar.
I'm at a nursing home getting weed. Lol when times are tough, things tend to get a lil weird
He just grabbed my boob and justified it by saying "I just wanna feel your heart beat"
Sometimes I have to make sure these messages are going to you and I'm not about to give someone in my phone book a heart attack.
It's like the cookie assaulted me with being high.
have you ever tried to puke in an automatic flushing toilet? impossible
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