Well that's not true. She had two social skills. She kept them in her bra
Welcome to my life. currently drinking beer through two straws. easier/faster that way.
Its really not funny anymore. I need to stop shaving while i'm drunk
Found a fruit roll up in my pocket this morning. This means my daughter has a peach blunt wrap in her lunchbox.
So, just in case you go to the bathroom in the middle of the night.. Sam is asleep in the first stall.
I'm concerned that this blind man on the bus has a boner right now
Who replies to a drunk text at 6am that's like against the rules of being a designated drunk text receiver
Im just using you for your dick and your superb survival skills if needed.
I'm just chillin on the bathroom floor
Haha oh no
The bathroom floor is like my second bedroom on the weekends
In other news, last night I told somebody they made eczema look so good they should call it sexzema.
Hey sorry about last night. can I come pick up my tooth?
We turned a wake into a bar crawl.
To me, you're the Patron Saint of good music and handjobs
one nice thing about being home: no walks of shame, just drives of shame
you said you heard a baby, so i told you to go feed it. you came back 2 hours later with a pizza and when i asked you where the baby went you pointed to the pizza and puked.
Randomize
