And then I watched some old guy get arrested for meeting some other old guy for a blow job. It was epic.
i'm smoking hookah in a kayak. how did this happen.
So, after having sex with my 4th overweight girl in 2 weeks, I've decided Charlie Sheen syndrome is ruining my life.
i just realized that im half way to my goal of puking in every single toilet on our floor
do to the flooding of the park, there will be a midnight bikini mud wrestling party behind my dorm. all are welcome.
It was just a friend comforting a friend. Except his penis was inside of me.
Man, just talk to her friend and help me out. Otherwise we go home alone
I'd rather jerk off with a hand full of bumble bees then talk to her
You crawled everywhere and rolled in ice cream. No more vodka for a month.
Someone got day drunk, but I'm not saying who.
It was me.
just texted my dealer that i could taste the blue but not the cheese. i said i could taste blue.
I just explained my sex life to the "if you give a moose a muffin" book... Is that weird?
I told her I was going to masterbate myself into a coma... We have another date on Thursday.
Instead of saying hi she asked if she could touch your dick through your ski bib and NOW I understand why you wore it to the bars
Bruh. He just said the words "cyber sex"-is it 1999?
I need to stop being so honest when I'm drunk. I got proposed to by a stranger again last night. It's not my fault that I would be perfectly ok making sandwiches and giving blow jobs for the rest of my life.
Randomize
