I wish they made helmets for livers.
either i blacked out mid-sex but remember the beginning and end, or he really only lasted a couple of minutes
it's my sixth sense. If there's an orgy within 20 miles of me i'll know about if. Or be a part of it.
well i did drunkenly flip his snowmobile going 90, so i can kind of see why hes mad
I hope no one at work will be able to read the "who wants body shots" on my chest. I forgot about it.
it's been dubbed the summer of antibiotics
I'm studying. And by studying I mean I am laying on my floor drinking boones farm alone. Last two weeks. Fuck it.
After you puked in the bathtub you claimed you were never eating quesadillas again and you never even ate a quesadilla
He and I are in a competition of who can sleep with the most people at work. We're tied at two. I could win this if they'd stop hiring damn straight girls.
Maybe you should stop dating for awhile if the chicks aren't working out. Reacquaint yourself with your hand or something.
Also I know you probably did not understand anything I said on the phone last night but thank you for pretending.
Turns out both me and my grandpa have a guilty pleasure for South American men.
And then you screamed, "I JUST WANNA POUR MAPLE SYRUP ALL OVER HIM AND RAVISH HIS BODY!!"
I accidentally sent my mom a nude picture of my ass... she replied with how did you get that angle ?
Dude, she stopped mid blow job to ask the cat's name. ADHD might be a deal breaker after all.
Randomize
