just hooked up with an air force officer in a hotel room paid for by the military. i feel like i should go around thanking taxpayers for the assist.
CONGRATS VODKA, YOU WON RHIS TIME..
Are we going out tonight?
My conscience says no but my vag says yes
nothing says 4th of july like teaching grandma how to work a keg
Its like a zucchini between his legs. An orgasmic zucchini.
So, I was thinking... Since this restraining order doesn't go into affect until monday, that leaves us 5 days to wreck his world.
Remember that time i gave you head on MY birthday and you made me stop so you could watch the rhino part in 300
I wish on days I started my period Chipotle would come to my house with a burrito bar ... Then give me a chocolate cake and a large beer.
Sex is always the answer.
Especially if the question is: what have I not had this year?
You were so drunk that you didn't even notice when I switched out your shot of jäger for a shot of maple syrup...before or after you drank it.
I just delete my bank app from my phone to have enough storage to download tindr. Is this my life now?
EVERYBODY CALM YOUR SHIT
i just want to get drunk and cry and have sex with lots of men
What happened last night? All I know is that I walked into class this morning and everyone was chanting my name.
FYI there's a girl here with happy daddy written on her tits
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