I think dad's getting high again. His last google search was "awesome ping pong shit."
that cunt stole my fb status. SHE'S NOT THAT FUNNY
I only had sex with her cause she looked like jwoww from jersey shore
Did you spray paint that captain morgan fifth that's in the freezer gold?
I haven't had nearly enough lesbian experiences to fully commit to this relationship.
How did our waiter from olive garden end up passed out drunk in my roommate's bed?
he went at my nipples like a starved dog.
I just told the toilet I loved it. Bad sign.
25 likes of a picture on Instagram of my butthole. beat that.
Competitive oral. I'm always telling girls they are only the fourth, maybe third, best blowjob I've had. They go back down with something to prove.
I just watched a porn called gay of thrones and I think I've reached a new low in my life
Pretty sure by 1p, she had fucked all of my bodily fluids out of me. I'm now trying to replace them with bourbon so 2016 is turning out pretty good.
girls shouldnt black out with american flag bandaids on their nips
Just found a pair of vomit-soaked socks in my purse, three days after the party... Now I know why my wallet was wet.
Dude. why do I feel like I am cheating on you every time I do shrooms?
Randomize
