So dude, she and I just got done having the most amazing sex, and then she rolled over and said that "lets make some tacos" and proceeded to the kitchen... naked... I'm buying the ring tomorrow
Even the French judge on the olympics would give that a 10
ATMs should seriously have built in breathalysers, I would save so much money.
just got carried INTO the bar by 4 people. it's like watching my weekend in reverse.
Handjob with gloves on results in friction burn. In case you've ever wondered
what if his mom answers? its like high school, but hes 30
I have to fuck proof my bed. It was in the middle of the room this time.
All I remember is apologizing to his sister for being a bad influence while I was throwing up into a big gulp cup.
Well it's 2pm. Time for another game of "Who, What, Where". The game where you try to guess who this girl is, what happened last night, and where'd your shit go. I'm going for 1/3 today.
That's better than I've done so far.
Please don't smoke the bong in the bathroom while you shit. It is not a shitting bong.
The only excuse this guy at the club had for trying to make out with me as soon as I met him was "I AM FROM MEXICOOO"
When she sees your dick for the first time, tell her it glows blue when orcs are close
We just banged and he's microwaving shrimp noodles and I'm eating tostitos alone in the dark this is why our relationship works
I know he's gay. But if he touches my vagina I'm human centipeding his face. Sorry not sorry
He uses Bing as his search engine...but he's great in bed. So obviously I'm torn.
Who says no to sex and donuts?!
Randomize
