It was awkward until we both realized our obsessions with harry potter and sangrias were the same. Now were in love.
You need tk get a life and stop texting me about fictional characters. I don't give a shit.
you threw your tampon into someones open car window...while they were driving.
i'm glad we're now at the level of friendship where we can comfortably discuss the quality of our shit
remind me in the morning to get the random kid out of the closet and to clean the pudding off the wall
I am getting my wife a tattoo just above her butthole that says, "For entry just add tequila."
Dude, I had to masturbate just to stay warm. Please pay the gas bill?
Ive been home for 20 minutes and I'm already in bed with a vodka tonic
She told me my dick looked like a baby seal wrapped in a sleeping bag.
Don't bang him. The amount of Jack Johnson he listens to is embarrassing for even a white person.
Threw up on the baby. National Tequila Day is the eve of National I'm A Horrible Nanny Day.
Which I'm also surprisingly fine with. If he walked into the bedroom naked, holding a fish in one hand and a lit candle in the other and said "Let's get fucking weird." I'd probably go with it. He's just that hot.
I would have dumped her already but between the 4 hr bjs and our shared love of enjoying thirsty Thursday naked while watching basketball I'd say its the best shot at love ill ever have
I'm just gonna go have sex with whom ever is in the men's room.
So I've decided that blue balls for lesbians is rainbow balls and the struggle is real
Wine through a straw in a subway cup.....classy
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