you insisted on breathalizing me with a inhaler.
are you looking for your table cloth? Cause I found it around my neck this morning...
Drunk, high, and in a taco costume. Wish you were here.
Did we have sex last night or did we just wake up naked covered in oil?
we were all standing in the kitchen taking shots and we look over at you and your face is in the plate of spaghetti you were eating.
I'm actually agreeing with glenn beck. What the FUCK was in that margarita?!
Why do I always miss the parties you're naked at?!
I get naked cuz your not there
well in the interest of full disclosure I have been using a used kfc spork as a buttscratcher for a month
Dude, you need to man up. You passed out before a PRESEASON game. It's a long season.
I stuck my fake eyelashes to his balls after he passed out.
Your topless pictures make me question reality
Talking to friends parents while buying all the things needed for Jell-O shots. classic
Update - might be back in your neighbor's good graces. She liked the framed photo I gave her of me on the tractor with my business out.
last night i fell off a barstool and busted my nose. i can regretfully say that i didn't see cherub last night.
I'm perplexed as to why anyone on this planet is straight
Randomize
