i'm returning your mother's day gift to finance my alcoholism over the next week.
Michael Bay diarrhea
FYI: Do not ever call any girl a thundercunt as a form of dirty talk.
i went to a real vip club. the bathroom attendant was wiping down counters after girls wearing gucci did lines of coke on them. where did MY life go wrong
I was about to send you a concerned-for-your-safety text b/c it took you more than ten seconds to respond to a text that mentioned both the bar and lesbians
You are mentally unprepared to be exposed to my degree of perversion.
I gave you head at the stadium on a Thursday night ESPN game. That damn well better be worth points on the score board!!!
I was blowing him while he was singing Happy Birthday to his girlfriend on the phone. I win.
There's hot sauce all over my mirror, lamp shade and dresser. Also it's your turn for weed
I was just tryna bring you beer girl. I should've known you'd be shirtless though
I would reevaluate a bf who is happy with other guys doing me.
Fireball goes down like mother's milk. Btw your housemate is naked
you bet i'm gonna rock his four-foot-two world.
Is it bad that we left the kid passed out on the bus? I think his name was texas. I was too drunk to be questioning this.
idk what to be more embarrassed/confused about, that i lost my underwear or that i woke up covered in fried rice
Randomize
