I just needed to know whether or not to wear panties to work tomorrow.
i'm sure there's a big cosmic reason for things working out the way they did. like, now you have awesome images to masturbate to.
I decided you couldn't drive after you asked where the time circuits were on your Altima
I wanted to see November 5, 1985
just saw a DUI checkpoint outside of a taco bell...i feel like thats cheating...
why didn't we just drop out of school years ago and become dominatrix bitches who beat men?
I don't know but we should still do that
i was concerned for your health after you took your "last shot" four times...
can you just act like it's not so easy to get a blowjob from me??
I told him he was a man of science and that he should conduct experiments on my tits to see how they stay up. I need you to hold onto my larynx when I'm drunk.
This reminds me of the time I was given a lap dance by a David Bowie drag king...
All I know is you walked out of the kitchen in some kind of French onion dip bra and started passing out individual chips to guys saying " do you dip?"
So much rum. So many feels.
How did you not realize the handbrakes were stuck?
I thought I was just out of shape.
All I need is a morbidly obese man masturbating at the other end of the car and I'll complete the CTA Horror Trifecta.
I'm sitting alone in a bar pretending to watch football because I don't know where the liquor store is around here and I'll be god damned I'm going to be sober on my day off.
If people had ratings on Tinder I'd give you 5 out of 5 stars.
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