Just once id like a girl to say to me in the dracula voice, i want...to suck...your dick...
New discovery: doing the Helen Keller is not as attractive as I thought it would be, in reference to the sex noises.
I tried to put a seat belt on in the shower. And I'm 80% sure I ate soap.
Sleeping with two different guys who share a driveway is getting increasingly challenging to keep secret
We are not in a rock band. We can't continue living like this.
well he got me up crazy early but i got pizza for breakfast and an electric blanket to sleep with sooo he passed the one night stand test.
My goal this weekend is to get a number that goes with the penis I take him.
Aspirations
I have to drop off my inflatable penis costume at the bar for my bartender. Do you think you could meet me there at like 630?
You rubbed a frozen pizza in my face. The concerning part was that it was semi cooked from our body heat
Apparently we don't communicate very well unless we're drunk and/or naked
I'm pretty sure I just smoked a chunk of cat food. Thought it was something else. No reply needed.
I expect you will be there for a drunken 3way with my husband again this new year.
Adderal can only make me focus so much. Your ass is stronger than my medicine. Congratulations.
The more drunk I get the more I want to steal a lamb
What would be the possible repercussions of lamb theft
I just gave a fucking twenty minute blowiob.. I'm a GOOD girlfriend.
Randomize
