That bitch is like a bad destiny's child song.
I just saw the host of Singled Out do standup. Holy shit 1995.
Woke up to pictures of me cooking wings with a blow torch.
No no I got the black eyes when I tried to do a flip off the second deck of a pontoon boat. Actually when I did a flip, it was a success.
Its not gay if you're best friends and there's less than an inch of dick in the picture. That's where the line is drawn
I dont care how drunk you were. Making a bet with MY husband at MY wedding that you could seal the deal before he could is ALWAYS inappropriate!
Just smoked pot with a guy who has apparently been living in the woods for over a month. He just walked out of the woods. This is not real life.
I came in and she was laying on the ground just stoking it saying "the floor is where our feet step"
There are two women in my bed. I'm gonna have a bowl of noodles so I can better understand my success.
You didn't say, "No." And you stole more than half of my Snickers. You owed me that dick.
My mom just told me she would flash her tits to a cop to get me out of jail, and then we high-fived.
the day has come. I have finally reached the point in my life where I just don't give a fuck about anything anymore. it's beautiful!
Just saw the bridesmaid use her new sister in law as a stripper pole
I'm not in bed, I'm driving and puking at the same time.... first for everything
4 pharmacies and not one had Plan B. If this is gods way of telling me it's time for a child, he can fuck off.
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