God I can't wait to have my phone textbombed every night
Fell off bed. Face first. 10 stitches. huge scar on forehead. totally going to start telling ppl my parents died fighting Voldemort.
He doesn't need a wingman, he needs a miracle
dude i have an english essay and a bio lab due tomorow
so basically your not goin out tonight?
who said that?
Also, if someone could cut me off before im rolling around the yard pantsless with a 40 year old lesbian that would be awesome.
We're using joints as your birthday candles
I am a murderer. I ran over so many baby frogs. I wanted to stop and pick some up to take home, but all I have is a wine bottle. I'd hate to explain that to a cop.
If you go to Tinseltown tonight. First bathroom on the left, second stall. Avoid. It's still coming to terms with what I did to it.
if youre gonna throw up it might as well taste like christmas :S
Every FB picture she has looks like it's from the POV of the guy she's blowing
you do realize the next step is naked mud wrestling, right?
I just realized I'm having shark week, during shark week.
i found 4 slices of pizza in my toaster, and a can of unopened soup in my blender.. wtf?
I always feel bad for the sober driver... Never been me but I feel bad... empathetic AF
He's my blizzard buddy. We're blowing lines and doing a 3D game of thrones puzzle
Randomize
