After a valiant attempt at golf, I think it's time for Tiger to go back to doing what he does best- having sex w/ blond, white women.
He practically bottle-fed me Jameson, like I was a baby chimpanzee on those nature specials.
Woke up with a migrane, threw up blood, then my headache went away. I'm going to convince myself that it was just a bad batch of blood so I can drink again tonight
pouring popcorn down my shirt before we went to the bar was the best idea ever. it was delicious and convenient.
As I was throwing up blood I assured concerned onlookers that I had simply "eaten a lot of ketchup today"
Also, sorry about chilling in just the towel last night. You know I have ADD and somehow even after looking at you, I forgot I'm not the only person living there right now
it is my last wish that my tale be published posthumously as a warning to anyone thinking of eating burger king at nine am
By NOT going to the gym, I'm helping my future. I don't want stripping, prostitution, or porn to be viable money making options.
It was a great party. People were literally still doing shots and playing drunk Jenga at 6am...
I'm definitely closer to having sex in every building on campus than I am to having a post-graduation career/plan/future. Unless that future is getting fucked in lots of buildings. I got that shit on lock down.
I had to google some of the kinky sex shit she was telling me she was into.
If that is not a reason to propose to her then I don't know what is
I accidentally told my mom I broke my drug nail this weekend
Like pizza and mermaids make up about 1/3 of my thoughts on the weekends.
Sitting in a waiting room with 15 children has me contemplating if I ever want to have sex again...
Definitely didn't just make out with a guy the same height as me just because we wanted to see what it would be like to not have to reach up....
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