I murdered the dance floor call the cops
quit re-tweeting John McCain's tweets
the new apple iphone has a feature that can find itself if you lose it, apple is getting closer to making a phone completely drunkproof...
3am cut off hipster s***'s afro on porch. Opened champagne. Felt like delilah cutting off samson's hair. Then shower & anal. So I guess his powers are intact.
i think i want to fuck a midget just to see how difficult it would be
She needs to learn what's it like to have sex with someone and regret it the next day.
Aaaand my life has been reduced to whether I can reach to flush my puke down the toilet using my foot. The answer is yes.
I can't believe I had to sit there pretending to play Halo with a condom on for 20 Minutes because your brother barged in to tell a story.
It was close. I was the girl scoping out where all the garbage cans were located in the class just in case.
This is why you don't heavily drink before 2 midterms.
I can't go to class, I have all this weed to sell
Also, if he asks how he's doing orally I can probably ask if we're exchanging Christmas presents?
I HAVE PIZZA MONEY AT ALL TIMES IT'S CALL EMERGENCY PLANNING
All I'm saying is Europe has not been easy on my vagina.
yeah i'm making him "thanks for letting me befriend your toilet" cookies. wanna help? i'm sure you'll be making new friends too.
It's like Guy Diamond blew glitter into my vagina.
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