You're in luck. The brownies don't even have butter, just vege oil
your room smells of hookers.
And success
her last google searches are 'cheap african safari' and 'what does lion taste like'
I pulled out and her Nuva ring was around my dick... It was like I won a carnival game for adults... I asked her where my big stuffed bear was
fuck. I just remembered I agreed to let you finger me last night for solely for "scientific purposes"
I also have a full keg. I'm thinking about crashing a party, they can't get mad if I bring a keg of beer.
wtf are you talking about? You vomit-splattered the cop from the balcony. The cop YOU called because you drunk-dialed 911 because a 5 year old ate the last donut.
it was a krispy kreme
if you had such a terrible roommate you would understand. jacking off in his conditioner is just the start.
I just found a voice recording from Tanya's bachelorette party when we found you drunk in downtown being harassed by a crazy dude dressed like a clown and we rescued you. Attached is a voice recording of me interviewing you after we found you. I titled it Carlos Batman.
Yeah man, you were grinding with his wife, I wouldn't be worried about it
I can't sleep. Send Llama pictures.
Well just saw that professor I hooked up with on campus and I look like a dumpster baby
I'm tryna think of an appropriate time to say "when I suck other dicks they seem like training dicks compared to yours" but I really can't think of a good way to say that
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like picking cocaine boogers out of your nose at your parents house.
Idk if you've ever tried hysterically crying in the shower listening to Florence + The Machine but it's honestly a life-affirming experience
Randomize
