he was on top of me and all of a sudden stopped and starting picking his nose...i asked him if he was okay, he sort of looked confused, and he told me he had a booger that hurt. guess its a good thing i wasnt planning on dating this guy
Does it bother you that I left your underwear hanging in a tree at the zoo? i think the turtles are enjoying it.
Is it weird that I found myself thinking of that blue chick from Avatar while she gave me head after the movie?
One of us needs to be functional tomorrow and it won't be me. I'm drinking liquor out of a fishbowl.
Our local strip club now has karaoke. Do you realize what this could mean for my sex life?
You sucked the drug dealers dick for a 20 of coke...?
Nooo, I payed for that. I sucked his dick because I had an urge.
The doctor told me if I woke up with a broken foot and don't know how it happened, I might want to look into getting treatment.
Omg I'm puking right now and then sneezed four times in a row. You don't know pain til this happens to you.
Like real life can suck my metaphorical dick right now.
It's Friday the 13th and you just got boned by a guy named Jason....
Also, you should've bet on Team Liver.
We won.
USA USA USA
I shall relish in being the most basic of bitches
I've got 3 hot dudes surrounding me. It's the Bermudick Triangle.
u woke up and asked who took ur pants off then realized u did n almost cried over not gettin layed
Got baked and laid and ate baked lays when I laid down while baking the brownies I I’m Superman
You’re still high, aren’t you?
Oh yeah
Randomize
