Will you take my knitting needle, stick it far up my nose, reach in my frontal lobe and give it a few swirls?
It wasn't long before I skipped the martini glass and went straight to drinking from the shaker.
happy early fathers day!!!
im not a father
about that...
My aunt just said- "pizza is like sex. Even if it ain't good it ain't bad." Obviously she doesn't know us too well.
All I did today at work was try to remember in vivid detail what your cock looks like.
so i woke up this morning covered in mail. none of it is mine.
How the hell can the Olympic committee frown so much on weed and yet put on a show you would have to be high to actually enjoy?
as we were driving back from the frat house he pulled down his pants and convinced me his penis "wanted some air"
NASCAR RACE 2010 NO REGRETZZZ!!!
It is literally 8 in the morning.
Well regardless of which drugs we choose to do tonight until four in the morning, we are having a wii bowling championship. So choose carefully.
i told her i wanted to be the Neil Armstrong of her vagina,
downside - we got stuck at the intersection before the santa clause parade started and had to wait for it to end. upside - i got frontrow seats and a blow job to the santa clause parade.
Apparently last night I yelled "the cops were called on a mother fucker and that mother fucker is me." And then proceeded to exorcise a sandwitch.
How do I tell my hairdresser I want a hair style I saw in a porn video?
Just imagine a dick squawking like a parrot
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