I just masturbated into a dress sock. I feel fancy
My financial aid advisors would be so pissed if they knew I was spending my loan money on strippers
at what point did you think saran wrap was a better alternative to shoes?
Postcard from jail please. Reserving a spot on my fridge.
Currently emptying half-full wine bottles from fridge into my mouth and refilling with water for later. Drunk survivalist recycling!
she tried to deny peeing on the floor last night. she said she wouldn't make it to the bathroom only to pee on the floor
oh but she would
also, made a drinking game out of my birthday photos....drink everytime alcohol is in a photo. going through all 350 of them.
When the cops pulled up I just stood flat against the fence with my hands up while yelling out,"I'm a tree!!"...
How was the party last night?
I'm dangerously close to shitting myself.
I found an inside smoking lounge. I'll be here for the next 4 hours. A nice old Canadian lady has befriended me and let me use her lighter. Fuck Hartsfield-Jackson AND this layover. I win.
The front camera on the 5S is SO much better. This is great development for my international sexting.
Said he wanted to wear me as a loincloth. Not sure if sexual or predatory
True I am eskimo brothers with every one of my room mates, but it was only two girls. And 9 outta 10 times I was first
i like coming up with different names when i reference that night. 'the night i got kicked out of the bar', 'the night i escaped from the hospital', 'the night we had that threeway'...
You think I could convince him that having sex with another girl isn't cheating?
Randomize
