This is your typical "sorry i got drunk and tried to seduce you into having sex while you were throwing up" text.
You're a big dope. Life is about fighting for what you want, not accepting what you hate.
Why does tequilla always make you text me?
Wow, being the totally hot and slutty looking 30 year old lady on the dance floor does NOT necessarily mean that she has skills in bed.
I found those 18 whoppers we bought.
Woke up with my foot jammed into a VCR
Fair enough. Everyone has some guilty pleasures. Yours is yourself
Yeah I don't remember how I got home last night
Judging from my pants, I embarrassed myself smh
NOTHING IN THE WORLD IS GOOD SOFT
NOT ICECREAM NOT DICKS
NOTHING
I just tried to brush my hair with a can opener. Who gave you that brownie
Btw had an awesome time last night. Found some blood on my shirt and ear but I'll chalk it up to the tequila shots.
That moment when you realize the hot british guy named rory you drunkenly made out with at a bar is American, is named Tyler, and has a girlfriend.
Wait you actually sent a text to your self saying “love you I miss you"?
thats all i want out of life, to get high and watch weiner dog races
she has no right to get mad at us for drinking during the wedding. she's the one that chose the bridesmaid dresses with pockets.
The cards I get dealt on tinder now are karma for fucking a married man while I was in high school.
Randomize
