And now we're talking about squeezing babies out of vaginas...
You should've come with us, we're at Home Depot looking for men.
idk, i just don't think periods are something you can catch in a little cup.
we had sex three times last night.. but now im just wet from him crying on my stomach about how much he misses his ex.. awesome
you know you were way too high when you wake up next to a handwritten list of all the things you'd do for a Klondike bar
She has an emergency bra in her purse. I'm gonna check no on the 'introducing her to my new boyfriend' box.
I just told him he had gained a new brother. He immediately knew I meant the eskimo kind.
Ughhh I can't remember the last time "time fell back or springed forward" and I wasn't at the bar to argue about it :(
This is one of those times I wish I had a time machine so I could go back and punch myself in the face to make me realize what I need to do before it's too late
I remember you fighting a small man for the last of the pizza. Was there a midget in my house last night?
You've created a tinder dominating monster.
Haven't sucked a dick since mid December. In crisis mode.
its the pipe that keeps on giving. Just when I think it's done, I scrape just enough. It's a st. Patrick's day miracle!
I'm a grown ass woman, I need to get fucked
HAMMERED.. I made a peanut butter and jelly sandwich with toilet paper instead of bread...
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