Holy wow, I found all the old poems u wrote me back when we were in looooooooove...just sort of wild to look back on, thought u'd like that
If you could channel this insane talent for stalking you'd be a great weapon for this country. If you had a crush on Bin Ladin, guaranteed he'd be found, monitered and tagged within five days.
I kiss like a newly born barfing kangaroo
Even the bartender felt bad for me
We had a complete conversation while I was giving him head, at one point he even stopped me and said 'I love how we're just hanging out.'
Friday was tragic. I was naked on top of him and he didn't have a condom. Oh and he had an Obama poster on the wall in front of his bed so our president was staring down at me while I was naked. I felt sorta bad.
You should've just screamed yes we can!
The 30 seconds of sex was almost worth it...I mean he did smoke me out and watched the princess and the frog with me
in line at jewel. the cashier is puking in a garbage can while ringing up customers. glad to know im not the only one that 2012 is kicking in the face already.
So is there a reason your dad is passed out naked in my shower? P.S. Congrats on the family dong.
I didn't get it..
I'm sorry. But to the original question please.
I don't know who's more excited for you to come home. Me or my vagina
Sneaking the vodka in was the easy part.. listening to medley of puking in the porta pottys was not
I'm not sure why he thinks weird that I masturbate AND look at pinterest at the same time.
Where'd you go?
Laundry, im. A responsible drunk
I'm naked and there are two trees and a yield sign
Be right there
I woke up on the damn lawn again...it's not even summer yet
Randomize
