I'm in love with you.
huh?
Don't be nervous. I'm just saying - if you had a dick, I'd suck it.
i just saw my boxers from 2 days ago stuck in a tree 4 miles from my house
Now I'll never know if Megan finds a millionaire.
So some guy at the party is convinced I'm Edward Cullen. He keeps calling me "Twilight" and following me around with a stake. I'm concerned.
I'm not sure what happened last night, but my turtle seems afraid of me.
Just found a "how to get laid" book on the dresser and am now a victim of method number 16 corollary 7.
The bouncers kicked us out around 3 so we went to the grocery store flasks in hand and asked them to turn up their music...
I'm silent, like a masturbating ninja.
who dressed up as a cop at your party???
idk I have to check. Why?
he gave me the best strip search of my life. FIND HIM.
I have discovered my latent superpower. If a friend is dating a bi chick they will inevitably try and talk me into a threesome.
Just drove by where I lost my sausage gravy virginity
LET US USE OUR GENITALS TO CELEBRATE THIS VICTORY
I think the "tmi" ship sailed a long time ago, and it took our dignities with it..
So here's a brief summary of my weekend: last night I drank four glasses of Death Punch, grabbed the toaster, said "This is mine", put it in my pants and walked out the front door.
That butt dial turned into a booty call.
Randomize
