Is that you in the white hat?
Fine suit yourself
Tell her she can't have a vagina
Hes a 32 yr old divorced sailor that calls me almost every night drunk begging me to call him big daddy. I think i might need to change my number.
woke up with ski boots on and a kayak in my room... birthday successful? i'd say so
I dont think punching her boob is the type of reverse psychology that will get her to blow you.
woke up on the kitchen floor in the recovery position. at least drunk me remembered sober me's emt training
Screw it. I'll show up in a white dress with a sign that says " I fucked the groom and it wasn't that great."
Nypd just made jon and hayes chug their forties.
Just realized i left my bra at his house. WHY do i suck at one night stands?!
I love 4am trips to the ER. I feel so responsible for actually making it all the way here.
i love how you just walk into that dealer's house every time without knocking, yet you don't even know his name
I made out with 4 out of 4 girls I was out with last night, I'm pretty sure everyone knows I'm a lesbian by now
I can't tell if my need for dick is more than my want to strangle him
Perfect attendance and not being drunk since Sunday. This is a new leaf if I've ever seen one
I was supposed to see Marcus tonight and he cancelled. Listen, I shaved my butt hole. Somebody is getting this WAP 😂😂😂😂
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