shaved balls and baby powder=awesome
Oh shit. I just had to lure him into the bedroom so I could take the list of his negative qualities off the fridge so he wouldn't see.
And the clouds opened up and the sex gods said I hate you alfalfa
The shit show didn't end. it just relocated itself to my apartment instead of yours.
you also need to get my treadmill fixed.
Can't tell if its the LSD or if that demon man just stared at my penis. Cleveland is a weird place. All true stories.
Why am I wearing a dog collar
Only way we could keep you from running in to traffic.
We were going to play manhunt in a strip club, calling it mancunt.
Our Tuesday night drunk Irish step dancing was on point tonight.
I just walked out of the side door of the bar to come in the front door so no one would know I've been here drinking before our work meeting.
I'm going to invent an ap that tests your stress levels before texting and will say something like "nope, go rub one out and try again in 10 min"
Get off the floor, put away the cookie dough, get ur shit together Scott.
He asked me to fly out to Seattle to participate in a week of marathon sex so I'm at the airport now. I'll call you when I get back.
I don't know what she did to me last night, but the scratches on my back indicate that I had sex with a Bengal tiger last night.
ugffhh I have work in 4 hours and have recieved zero sleep, seeing that I'm trapped in the arms of a snoring bear man. can't. breathe. lost in the forestry of his chest hair.
A guy in a chewbacca suit just came up to me and asked me to buy him weed.
Randomize
