After 4 hours of foreplay he passed out and almost immediately peed in my bed. Naked. Like a fountain. Then tried to deny it in the morning by saying he just sweats a lot.
He wouldnt get hard, then started talking about his ex wife. I literally rolled over and started to cry
I got into my dads silver toyota in the back seat to get picked up and 2 mins later I asked my dad when are we leaving, then an old mexican woman turned around. wrong toyota I'm guessing.
the people next to us in line are buying a 12 pack and a snuggie
birth control should be required to get into college
When I say rough sex, and show you scars from past encounters, pulling my hair a little IS NOT GOING TO CUT IT. And he just doesn't understand.
Hey thanks again for rolling me that blunt necklace. It was amazing.
Do you think he stole that soccer trophy that he gave you for the "best sweater award" from his five year old son?
i need to start using my dry humping skills. i was dry humping champion in 7th grade
Oh my god. A memory of last night just came to me. One of our neighbors joked about Thomas having a big dick and I just kept shaking my head profusely.
But the drunk streaking fizzled when one of jake's friends took a piss while running with a massive erection.
How the fuck you gonna play love don't cost a thing in a strip club?
Isn't it my whole life blown into this perfect spoon shaped piece of melted and artificially colored sand?
Wow.
Is it against health code to come into work half drunk and commando?
I think the pizza delivery guy is getting a handjob next door.
Randomize
