I woke up this morning in your mom's car... any ideas?
It was like a mary poppins bag, except a sexual mary poppins bag.
i was so high it looked like the chipmunks movements were coordinated to that lady gaga song
We did like every position then did it again this morning. Something about him being the little boy i used to make sand castles with just made it way hotter.
well done
Woke up this morning 8 levels higher in Call of Duty then when I started drinking... told you I was better when I was drunk.
I sold 10 pepperonis for 5 dollars last night....i fucking love drunk people
In hindsight buying the pill crusher with my vicodin prescription might have been too much.
The fact that he grabbed my boob in the middle of the conversation shows something needs to change
Just ran into that guy that tried to take a dump in your pool
Dude, double fisting packs of Ramen saved my life last night
Shirtless guy staggering down the sidewalk, puking into a Prada shopping bag. Ahhh, the walk of shame in Boystown.
It's gay pride, I'm in my EMT uniform getting more girls than your straight ass ever will..
My move is emasculating men with my superior intellect and it's not as charming when they can't see my huge rack.
Whatever you have to do, STALL THEM. Your toothbrush is in the kitchen, my pants are on the balcony, and I don't have eyebrows.
He got mad at you last time bc you tried to rap battle him via text. This is strictly business.
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