HIV tests are more positive than that guy
He famously once noted that women should wear white "like all other domestic appliances,"
At dinner I grabbed his hand and he screamed "mom she just grabbed my penis" the proceeded to shove my hand down his pants! Hello Mr.Dick!
I just saw someone marching around outside wearing only a loincloth, dragging a fuckton of sheet metal. Spring has Sprung.
HOW DID U BEAT A GAY GUY IN GAY CHICKEN?
you kept telling everyone how your ninja turtle shell also functioned as a backpack
He decided not to draw dicks on my face when I passed out because he was afraid I'd retaliate and superglue his dick to his stomach....he knows me too well.
all I know is I'm really rwfly really really stoned and a bunch of Korean people are yelling at me
do you remember when we thought we were both knocked up by the same guy like two days apart and would have half twins? Thats a best friend moment.
yes i am an adult who snuck out of my parents house to cuddle with a guy and then came home and listened to taylor swift. judge me all you want.
Imma do me. And by that, I mean I'm going to walk across campus still drunk at 9am on a Tuesday.
I am making dinner in lingerie and heels and there is a 75% chance his roommate is going to walk in on this.
Yup. There he is. This conversation is awkward.
I'm still mad from all the stupid shit he's done this week that even though I couldn't give two shits about Vday, I'm gonna throw an epic tantrum if he doesn't morph in to Nickolas Sparks for a day
Dude did you see that video of yourself crying while bathing in vodka on YouTube?
We live walking distance from the coors factory. no, we do not have a dry week.
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