I tried to gradually lead her into my room but she wouldn't stop crying and quoting memoirs of a geisha
well, tey weren't taking lap dances as payment today
Theyr drawing diagrams to try to explain to me how high they are
She got mad when I told her I'd bone her mom. She got MORE mad when her mom heard, and was flattered by it. Proud to say I attract MILFS.
i've been thru my totinos phase. then after reading the ingredients and nutritional info i almost puked in my mouth. its like having the bastard child of pizza hut and mcdonalds invade your kitchen and start stabbing your digestive system.
I wish orgasms lasted as long as the pain from rug burn
oh, it's pms. I almost cried yesterday bc my roommates didn't seem perky enough when I got home.
I cant prove it..but im almost positive that you were just outside my window watching me while eating out of a bag of Cheetos...
I saw someone get arrested while I was moving out...this has to be a good sign.
she got kicked out of the bar for shoving german chocolate cake in the bartenders face. we were there less than a minute
Ideas for halloween. We need simple yet hilarious. Cheap yet effective. Slutty yet acceptable. Go.
I'm slowly getting to where I don't hate people anymore.
Never mind. Some random dude just walked past me and asked if I was having fun. I snarled at him. I might still kinda hate people.
Well I got black out drunk before the rehearsal dinner and berated my family with insults. But other then that it was a good time
We fucked on the roof... like that has to mean something
I mean metaphorically. Literally zombies have yet to invade. Let's be rational here.
Randomize
