It really wasent that hard. The male one had a M and the woman one had a W. I just couldent comprehend that at the time.
oh hey just found a glowstick in my tits. fuck yes new years eve
Upperdeckered the toilet. Took sombrero off, drawing too much heat. Witnessed glassing. In bush, come findme.
Apparently he's taking the slut he cheated on me with on a cruise for her birthday. THAT COULD HAVE BEEN ME. TITANTIC STYLE.
Nope my penis exudes pure oxygen in times of crisis.
Maybe we should invest in one and when one of us wishes to be a hot mess in a wheel chair the other one will push the mess around to wherever it wants to go.
Whatever you do tomorrow don't let me put on the Borat mankini and yell "POLAR PLUNGE!!" while diving into the pool
The pool is covered.....
Like that would stop me.
im on the hungover til tuesday pabst blue ribbon diet
Sometimes the gods of alcohol choose to take you on a mysterious journey and you just have to go with it
she's fucked both of my roommates but not me. i feel like I'm not part of the group anymore
She's like the Jonah Hill of sorority sisters.
I just need to find a good handlebar mustache to sit on until I'm over that beard
you flipped over the sheets and there was my bed. filled with ding dongs.
My apologies. I'll try not to let my dick interfere with official work duties in the future.
And then she grabbed my dick and started singing 'ring ring ring ring banana phone'
Randomize
