Her body is shaped like a coke bottle...a two liter coke bottle
Is this going to be a big send off or a somber occasion? Just need to know if I should start drinking on the train or not.
I am at the point in my high where i now know/understand chinese.
I may or may not have melted a dent into the top of my minifridge with my hot glue gun, which I left on for the past couple hours unsupervised, while we were on our salvo/savers excursion. Welcome to Halloween in college.
Just come over and take your pants off. 35 mins tops. You'll be home before midnight cinderella
Somehow ended up at a stranger's bridal shower. Everyone else is already drunk.
I have a cup of vodka in my bathroom with a straw in it. Yes, I am ready for this bikini wax.
please hold off on going into labor, i might need you to take me to the free clinic
I looked up while we were having sex to see him covering my pillow pet's eyes with his free hand. I think I'm in love
Wake up. Finish House of Cards. Put on pants.
Accurate.
I just wrote my resume on the same park bench I got felt up at in freshman year of highschool... I've truly come full circle
Let's just grow old together and be the crazy ladies that sit on the park bench, drinking booze from flasks and loudly talk about people who walk by.
what a classic moment of my life. A buffet of taco bell and a taser gun.
would you eat cereal with weed in it
who is this???
If she didn't have scissors in her hand I would have motor boated the fuck out of her when she was done cutting my hair.
Randomize
