Funny, my mom didn't get it when I said 'that's what she said' after she said 'it's so thick, it's impossible' in reference to my milkshake
She got kicked off the plane and spent the last four hours in a holding cell with the feds.
but she's really nice
im contemplating emailing my dad and telling him how worthless i am and how sorry i am that he pays for my life...aka my bar tabs.
Does she know that uploading nude photos to photobucket and networking are two different things? You may want to ask.
Without me, you would never be able to say you partied with a midget!
It was only 12:11 and I needed to make a Pepto Latte and call it a night, I don't remember that being part of my new years resolution.
I am thinkingif I am doing snow Angels in your living room, I probably had too much to drink
Sorry for screaming that you were an apple in spanish at the bar last night, that was the wine talking
Can you find me some 'I threw up in my hair last night' medicine?
i still can't believe he got laid by going to the bar and handing out "cuddle buddy" application forms
Just found some confetti on my nipple if that's any indicator of how the night went
What's the best way to tell a guy he can call me when his impending divorce is finalized?
Just keep me informed about your plans. That way i can figure out places to go and if i need to shave my balls
i feel like you should know pants are always optional
One of my tenants at my fourplex that I own gave me a massive bag of severely dank pot and a brick of cocaine because she didn't have the cash to pay the rent. She might just be my favorite tenant!
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