Yeah i wasn't gonna go out but then i was like im not gonna get my dick wet stayin at home studying
the trash is collected at 5:50 on mondays. i was up puking all night and heard them
her dad is making me watch Glen Beck, i only agreed because i penetrated his daughter earlier.
Also, I once came to the conclusion after this one boy, that her pleasure condoms are a college boys version of flowers
He's stoned as shit, eating breakfast cereal and taking a dump. All while listening to dubstep. We may never understand him.
Bob the builder, bob the uilder bob the builder bbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbjbbbbbiotch!pp!!!!
I tried telling the cop that I don't do drugs, and that if he'd just take me home I could prove it by showing him my D.A.R.E. certificate.
I'm about to sell my hamster for weed money I'll call you in a few
Cops on bikes. I think I can outrun them.
I just totok an inventory of my purse: 1 apple, 1 pair of underwear, 7 condoms, $18 in ones, a check with "for sexual healing" in the subject line, and a 4 oz bottle of wine.
Oh! and a letter from a judge saying I got an interview. Cause that balances it out.
Friends don't brand friends with cigars. It's not how it works.
Everyone's going out for thirsty Thursday and I'm just like. Cool. Enjoy yourself. I'm gonna eat an entire pizza and watch King of Queens reruns.
We've been fucking like crazy ever since she quit her job..ive been running errands all day to stay out of the house and give my dick a day of rest
I hate my life now
im so drunk that this cat is mothering me. aggressively
i feel like if my pee,blood, or vomit is on it...it should belong to me by default. can we make that a rule?
Randomize
