I just realized i haven't had sex in 2009. oh man thats embarrassing.
Holy jesus god. My teeth taste like street.
Why would vodka do this to me? I've always been loyal
I need a second opinion on who's blood is in my car.
It's a gift. Kind of like morning wood in my brain.
There is no way I am paying you $5 apiece for pot brownies you found behind a dumpster. $2, maybe.
Just gave my liver a good luck and I'm sorry speech
If we can't get laid at a bar crawl, we should just quit life.
High me just had to pick the lock on my sisters room because I locked my vodka in there. I love vacation.
Oh no. Not her. Her personality clashes with mine in ways that would make me wanna beat myself with a stick.
You slid down the wall and got into the fetal position. He was definitely judging... I was judging....
You were drinking whiskey from a beer bottle i dont know what you really expected...
The night went downhill when he took his pants off at our table and walked up to women saying "Special delivery"
I'm pretty happy on the couch eating Popeyes and watching Cops so if I go over there you better have drugs left
Probably yeah. I mean maybe one day we can be those friends that hang out naked. Not awkard at all.
Randomize
