that's the ideal party shoe. cute, but i can still puke in them.
he has 3 profile pictures up and all of them are him riding jet skis
i've decided to use this saturday afternoon to take care of my pube situation
Whoa. I woke up to 10 new text messages. All about bacon.
I haven't been this hungover since you found me laying in front of your door gagging with pepto bismal tablets scattered around me
well... just scaled a wall and entered the bar through the balcony. just making some last minute memories nbd.
she is legit wearing a plastic bag around her neck as a necklace. she says it serves two purposes.
"I gave a guy a handjob last night, on a dog bed, inside a fireplace. It's going to be a good year."
If anyone remembers any details of tonight please address concerns to my lawyer. This is a mass text.
Summary of my night: made out with a complete stranger at a club dressed in the Geico gecko costume...
Just brought out that old CCM hockey helmet. The one covered in sharpie penises with "DRUNK BUCKET" written across the front. The number of tally marks / initials from tonight's drunk stunts alone is equal parts inspiring and alarming.
You know that feeling when you wake up and your whole body just smells like a penis?
its hard to say precisely how it happened, but the next thing i knew i was on top of a mountain
i just got hit by a door and im the one that said im sorry, yeah im drunk.
is it weird that i just witnessed the marriage of someone ive had sex with on multiple occasions?
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