so howd the 'mom i only play with condoms' conversation go?
Dude sorry i couldnt seem to spell any words right in the texts i sent you last night
I felt like a fucking code breaker.
he is so obsessed with the fact that he works at Apple
i know, its like he jerks off to steve jobs
She helped me organize my comics and then blew me. This is the one.
she peed. on the sidewalk. it is 2 pm. Help.
The nurse told me they're using the same medicine that killed michael jackson.
His drunk text included an attempt at quoting a Nyquil bottle in MLA format
What can I say? I like my food like I like my women, not entirely fucked by our contemporary world.
It's really sad that I'm trying to calculate in my head the type of place to have dinner that's worth anal
I found our waiter on grindr, gave him my number, and got him to send a dick pic. Still not getting laid but close enough?
you said, 'he held out his hand, that means we don't have to pay' about the taxi driver, and then asked the doorman what happened to your pants...
The old guy next door tried to get me to go to his apartment for shots formoonshine. =-0
If that weren't so sketchy I would encourage it
Yeah it was almost as sketchy as a white panel van pulling up offering candy
I need you there. I need someone to glance at when other people inevitably annoy me.
The sex was so good I feel like I could run a triathlon, hit big at the casino, and defeat ISIS.
He asked if we were going to take advantage of his drunken state. When we said no he tired to show us what we were missing out on. It was so sad it almost made him cute.
Randomize
