so i woke up this morning covered in mail. none of it is mine.
if i found out she had a dick after i got head, does that still make me gay?
Dude, I found another chunk missing out of my tooth. Fuck drinking on tuesdays.
This is to remind you the pizza is in the dishwasher birthday boy eat it before it goes on
When he grabbed my tits it felt like he was either giving me a mammogram or trying to pierce my nipples with his fingers.
Thats gotta be it. Also just found out that the fireworks will fit in the airsoft pistols...we are all gonna die
The second I see you we're shot gunning beers
It's gonna be 8 o'clock in the morning
And your point is?
Marry me
It's 3 in the morning and there is a bird chirping it's head off outside. GOD DAMNIT THIS IS NOT A TIME TO SING OF YOUR CHEERFUL BIRD MERRIMENT YOU STUPID BIRD CUNT!
I swear I can't go out anymore. It's like he put a GPS in my dick. I don't know if I should feel awkward or proud...
I am pretty sure I just put SoCo in the bird feeder
I tried getting kicked out of my favorite bar. No matter what I did, I could do no wrong
Now in listening to Jerome Bettis speak at the hall of fame and my boner just started twirling a terrible towel
I will be wearing a suit out more cuz it has been decided i rage harder with a power tie
She's walking down the sidewalk with a notebook, a pencil, and a box of cheez its while yelling profanities at small animals.... I'm going 2 ask her where she was before this.
I just told my mormon professor that I was late because I was getting a STD test... good start to the day.
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