I'm calling you out on twitter if you don't come over right now.
i'm 85% sure that if you don't visit me i will do something awkward and potentially dangerous to you in your sleep involving chocolate milk and a sham-wow.
I decided that just having that story under my belt and being able to tell it to my grandchildren is worth the regrets of the evening.
At best buy, little boy just crawled into my stall while i was taking a shit
I don't get why Lindsay Lohan doesn't just blame her bad behavior on her twin sister from the Parent Trap. I mean nobodys seen her since.
Don't worry about it. I've taken so much Plan B, my uterus is purely for show now.
I'm so horny
I have no idea who this is, but I'm up for a lecture on self-respect
He just kept petting my ear and informing me that I wasn't one of the guys
IF CHARLIE SCHEEN CAN DO IT I CAN DO IT IM A PROFESSONAL
Well they kicked us out after we started heckling the acrobats
Pretty sure I humiliated the fuck out of myself last night after I was dared to attempt to give myself head. I hate vodka
This guy at the airport was telling me 3/4 dudes in his group got rufied at some strip club. One guy woke up in the hospital, another found himself in a random parking garage, the other got back to the room and they all shit their pants. Go Vegas.
So right before she was about to give me head she tapped the tip and said "Is this thing on" I think I'm in love.
I tired using vodka to remove my makeup
THERE ARE NO EMOJIS TO SHOW MY SEXUAL FRUSTRATION
Randomize
