she didnt even puke last nite, shes finally hit champion status. i think im in love
Your roommate was biting my friend last night. It was weird.
There's a girl sitting in front of me making a PowerPoint on Jack Bauer.
Lowest moment of my life just occurred. I literally threw up all over myself in front of my parents.
Yeah, the furnace guy just pulled out 4 empty and 1 full beer bottle from the vent. You are no longer allowed over.
We have a tower of vodka coming. OF VODKA
Put cigar in mouth backwards. Plz remind to check for scar in morning, can't feel it now. Screwdrivers are like morphine.
Experimentation with dessert toppings followed by shower sex. Only logical progression bro.
WHAT THE FUCK. SUCH A BAD IDEA. YOU'RE NO LONGER IN CHARGE OF NOSE SUBSTANCES.
I just fist bumped God in my head for last night. What a bro.
Yeah we fucked. I ran into her the next day, I had to pick up the girl scout cookies I ordered from her boyfriends kids.
Sitting on the toilet ... Eatin pizza with one hand, petting my cat with the other. I love a sad drunken life
And then before we had sex he was quoting space jam to me
Firstly: alligator costume is happening anyway. But I'll see what I can do about the balls.
Ugh. It's days like these that make me wish my bad habits would kill me faster
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