Can we switch to phone sex? This is starting to get awkward...
We're like a lot better than the average bears
TBS has betrayed me by telling me tyler perry is funny
We walked into the bar in The Flying V formation from The Mighty Ducks. We were ready.
im using old socks as coasters. im going to make a great housewife.
i actually just woke up with a lampshade on my head. god damn cliches.
there are chunks of pepperoni under the sheets. can you be here in 10? breakfast in bed?
she looks like one of those semi-pretty girls that turns into a 9 while she's riding your cock like she's trying to catch a train on horseback.
On a totally unrelated note, captain four hour sexcapades lost it in his boxers this morning and tried to pretend it didnt happen. Lmao
Did not foresee holding down food at work today to be a struggle today
Tell me not to purchase 500 ball pit balls and a kiddy pool
No
You text him a porn site address and said GOODBYE ... I think he got the hint
Hey, I told her the bathroom was a "No fly zone" after I used it. She willingly allowed her nose to go through that pain. It's her fault, she only supplied me with vodka when she knows I only drink rum.
i need to put some appletini on your dick
i think if a sober person was watching us they would have not thought we were witty
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