Since you didn't call me back last night, I can only assume that in 9 months you're going to have a child that I'm going to refer to as, "Daddy's little mistake in Miami."
He was like an evil genius with the clitoris. I don't stand a chance.
All four of us managed to throw up in the same bathroom at different times during the night. I think we'll get along great living together.
There are dudes in kilts outside my window practicing fire breathing with cheap vodka and a modified grill lighter. I thought you should know.
He just referred to himself as a sharp shooter. I had sex with that.
Well, that now makes it the 4th girlfriend in a row to cheat on me. I don't even care anymore...I'll date a prostitute and not even worry.
Two women at the Safeway just got out of their separate cars and kissed. One was driving an outback, the other a CRV. It was like a Honda and Subaru had a lesbian joint venture and filmed the commercial in front of me.
Don't ever feel guilty about what you put in your mouth best advice my gma ever gave me lmao
I got propositioned to get involved with an engaged couple. I told them I didn't think my married couple would like me to see other couples...
I'll truly miss your penis but your use of words and phrases such as bae, yolo, swag, and totes have ruined how attractive you once were.
I need a guy who can see in me what the lesbian community sees in me
I hate him but I love him for what he does which is me
He’s really fucking cute. Like, I want his penis in my mouth cute.
someone is getting fuckign RAWDOGGED on this campus as we speak and it makes me FURIOUS
Unfortunately the rum ran out midway through our viewing and we had to suffer in silence for the rest of it.
Randomize
