mmm... i enjoy making beautiful women smile
We are like the golden girls with less cheesecake and more drugs.
I just spent all my babysitting money on red cups and beer.
People still let you watch their kids?
I couldn't accept the bj. My penis has done nothing wrong and didn't deserve the punishment of her face.
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
You asked me to be the big spoon, when you passed out on the stairs
it's been a while because I don't count the hooker
Hah, I lost the lenses in my glasses, didn't event notice til this morning... How was the meeting?
we tried to steal a tractor last night. you should have come out.
I wore a leash I'll tell you about it later I had a fantastic time
What kind of life do I lead that no one is surprised by the fact that I was watching porn at work with the hot 37 year old?
I woke up naked in this guys bed and the first thing I start saying is it's super bowl Sunday like I was yelling
If you send me one more .gif of that fumble, I will make the 10 hour drive just to set you on fire.
So hungover that I might just sit in my car and wait until chipotle opens...in two hours...
He took a shit in my shoe. A part of me is livid and a part of me is impressed because that’s some real evil genius.
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