The theme is smores and alcohol. Dress appropriately.
If I wanted to fuck someone, I'd go for John. I'm meeting Bryan cuz I wanna get to know him better. And eventually fuck him. But not this Tuesday.
The last thing i remember was high fiving everyone on the planet.
Wash that dress asap. You laid down on the kitchen floor and tried to sweep the floor with your body.
I just had a threesome in the back of my mom's van. I'm pretty sure the rest of my week is going to be epic.
Just found a g string in our driveway, wtf happened this weekend?
I knew it would be a shit show so I just went ahead and took plan b before I even got there. How's that for responsible?
Don't worry, the house smells like waffles more than sex
I was carrying around a bottle of Jameson yelling rescue me
so you ordered business cards online last night with a picture of your dick on them. you need to hide that new credit card when you drink
I'm wandering around outside asking things if they are god
I'm actually pinning crap for Friendsgiving like a boss right now. These bitches better show up.
I have got to stop telling people I was almost a prositute every time I drink
I'm eating chicken wings naked and hungover at 10am... Happy bday to me
as a self proclaimed hoe im ok with a lotta things but that is not fucking one of them
Randomize
