I'm still drunk from last night...I walked out for a cigarette with one of the Janitors here and apparently someone took a shit on the stairs...Which makes me wonder...was that me?
so i had sex last night with my 12th partner, but hes number 1 for my first time using a condom. i think im finally learning.
Thanks for getting me home last night.
No worries. I'll always be there for you, just like Mufasa.
We just saw him running from campus police a few minutes ago. So no, I don't think he's still passed out on the quad.
This is the last pregnancy scare i've had since i was 12 and i thought you could get pregnant from masturbating.
Who the hell poured a whole pouch of Capri Sun down my throat last night?
Just told my mom sparks is a health drink. Officially getting hammered on the way to the beach.
Cuz its complicated and I hate complicated and I miss your penis
He's just a really nice guy who stuck his tongue in the wrong place.
It's okay, I found my phone in the toaster oven. Logical explanation: 5 martinis
Just trying to get my dicks in a row.
Our house drank 90 beers yesterday afternoon before 8pm so add that to the list
Sean just lit a cig with his taser..... I am in awe
I'm pretty sure my therapist gave me the green light to fuck him.
last night you said that you wanted to hold my dick as you slept because it was like having a stuffed animal.
Randomize
