meow
WTF. STOP SENDING ME ANIMAL NOISES. ITS FUCKING WEIRD.
im learning from these one night stands last time i came in her this time i came on her AND deleted every contact in her phone!
she said she'd get any tattoo I wanted ... so she's getting a large crossword puzzle as a tramp stamp. I'm the Einstein of doggy style
2nd night home for break and we had to call the fire department to keep the house from burning down. At this rate I'll be lucky to see you next semester.
Please come fuck me. I had the worst sex of my life the other night and I need to be reminded that sex is actually enjoyable
We call it "Dishes: Hard Mode". Basically whoever is doing dishes gets head but needs to finish the dishes before they cum.
And so far nothing been broken!
It was technically 11... But I go by McDonald's time, if they aren't servin breakfast, it's the afternoon. Therefore I can drink
GOD DAMMIT TARYN WHY DO WE ALWAYS HAVE TO ROB PLACES IN OUR FUTURE PLANS?!
They only searched every other person. But I sacrificed myself to get our vodka across the border
Don't worry, I'm taking the best gay radar in the World, my sister's boobs. All guy who is not looking at them, it's fair play for us.
We kinda got asked to leave the strip club and on the way out, you fell again. When you finally got up we got a standing ovation from the girls behind the bar and you took a bow. It was awesome.
They're letting me in by good graces, I can't show up with a fist full of dildos
i asked her if she was sure that she was ready to do it and she replied with "come at me bro"
so we’ve decided to fuck for our own health
I can't take 'get a man' advice from you. You'll stick your penis in a warm banana peel.
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