as veruca salt said, "i want it now!"
uhh im not your indulgent father, stoned and im in the middle of making tacos. right now, tacos win
Last night you told her she was rocking the beer gut. Still wondering why you have that black eye?
I woke up in my girlfriends bed with another guy laying next to me. wtf.
Doing lines and watching a show on hot dogs around the world ... Why do I do this to myself
There's a very real possibility that I'll wake up in your uncle's driveway.
Definitely just puked in this corn maze. Families are staring.
Woke up this morning with seven juice boxes under my pillow and an empty box of condoms In my pocket. Good night.
I don't know man, I have to ask my girlfriend if I can borrow my balls from her purse.
Me and two guys that I made Eskimo bros all soberly slept together in my bed
Did i tell you that he's legal and i got his number? Because he's legal and i got his number. THIS BITCH AIN'T GOING TO JAIL YET
She's too awesome to dump: she gives me great blow jobs and free Popeyes. You just don't burn a bridge like that.
Day one of being single and I've came three times. I can get used to this.
I guess "hi, I know your mom, she taught me in high school" is an effective pickup line
I am sweating Crown. It all went wrong when the ratio hit 50-50
boys just don't understand what they're missing out on.
he's missing out on my boobs looking marvelous this evening.
Randomize
