we should go somewhere reaaaaaal shady
U know its gonna be a great day when the guy at the liquor store waves at u cause u walked by
There was something that i liked about you, but you spent it
Highlight of the day: realizing the man in the car next to mine was getting road head... at 2:45pm... nicely done sir, nicely done.
It's hard to be above the influence when you are the influence.
Make this decision based on your love for dick - NOT based on the fact that its probably one of the worst things you've ever thought of doing
The last party at your house was a sex toy party...it's an obvious transition to baby shower
It took me 3 tries to get up the front steps. They kept me motivated by waving taco bell just out of my reach. Surprisingly effective.
Thanks for letting me in last night. I was drunkenly sleepwalking.
Jusy read on a science page that squeezing boobs can prevent cancer cells from forming in them, youre welcome.
WHY DID YOU INVITE ALEX?!?
Because she offered to bring a keg.
And also because you fucked her in an alley last week and I'm trying to be a good friend.
I ate so much cake that I can't even enjoy a blowjob
That's the most first world problem I've ever heard in my life.
My new favorite word is dickbag. I think its relevant here. And I say that with all the love in the world.
So I was dancing on a table with these three girls and my bro. Started to makeout with one and as the song ended I asked what her name was. She said, and I quote, "Nate we hooked up two weeks ago". To which my reply was to lift my beer to bro and proclaim, "RAGE".
I had to cum in my sink.
Randomize
