That poor girl was naked and had to be at a job interview in an hour
It was honestly like finding a clitoris in a haystack.
I need to talk about my life with someone. Preferably with someone who hasn't tried to jizz on me
Remember that night I drank a bunch of vodka, pounded your Jameson because 'you were a pussy', punched you in the face and ran off as fast as my high heels could go? It was just my Russian and Irish sides fighting for genetic dominance
Well who could blame her. I would run away from me if I could.
We have 24 days left before I leave for college and 21 condoms left in the stockpile. Are you up for the challenge?
Just used my front-facing camera to check my pupils. Technology!
Note to self...boner negates all verbal agreements ...got it
nope. just stoned. wishing i had a golf cart.
I mean I'm not gay but a hundred bucks is a hundred bucks
he cancelled our romantic dinner reservations so we could stay home and watch a Rocky movie marathon and order pizza. i know i should be upset but i think i'm kinda in love.
I just had a sexting conversation using medieval jargon. I think he is a fine suitor.
CUT OFF ALL YOUR HAIR COME ON MAN LET'S DO THIS
I have a bandage in my ass crack. In. My. Ass. Crack.
I am going home. I have pee on my pants. Rachel is driving and I and drunk. It is not Rachels pee. It is my pee.
Randomize
