two words: eviction party
Somewhere between the 2 hours of sex and her urgently rushing to work she manged to steal all $329.33 in my jeans. Worst one night stand ever, she even took the pennies.
it was like watching bambi learning to walk, if bambi was 22 and a high functioning alcoholic.
mind if i send you a dick pic? so you can see what she wasn't doing right?
Second wind. Either that or my heart is about to explode. I'm hoping the first one.
Apparently my face was in the trashcan and in between throw ups I was screaming LOS DIABLOS. I woke up this morning with a bird flying around my room. Nobody seems as concerned as I am.
i think the sex is so good because i get a contact high just from fucking him
I ran into his family and they made me a ham sandwich and I asked if they wanted to come streaking. I felt they deserved the invite.
Munching saltines, sippin Gatorade, and trying not to get eaten by this small horse
The woman in the flower onesie is claiming she hasn't been drinking.
How'd your Tinder date go?
Well, I met his girlfriend...
Did I wash my face last night at your house? Where did my eyebrows go??
Googled 'how drunk am I' and it was NOT helpful
No, I barely made it home last nite. Kept telling cab driver I live across the street from Susan Sarandon?? Thank god her coop addy is posted online.
So if he doesn't show up do we eat his birthday cake? Because I'm stoned and wrestling is on. What's the proper protocol
Randomize
