so you know how i got laid the other night? well a condom just came out of me and i dont know whether to be grossed out or happy
i am grossed the fuck out
i think im having one of those erections lasting four or more hours
I wish i could tell a story about guys I know without the phrase "and then I blew him." coming up.
Wow, Pearl Harbor and The Notebook are on. Its like the Im going to kill myself marathon.
Your like the Mozart of blow jobs, you make every other girl seem like cheesy elevator music.
they're doing drop shots of Jager into red wine. i don't want to be on that level
So the name of the kid from the sponsor a child comercial popped into my head while I was masturbating this morning. Needless to say I will now be now be donating out of guilt.
I just ASL-ed someone for the first time since 2002.
Bring one of those heart stabber things in case you go into shock. I'll jab you.
I asked the cop if I could see his dick- It's not like he could arrest me twice.
A few days ago I apparently came up, asked her to make me soup, and handed her a can of coconut milk.
Getting haircut. The stylist asked about the body paint dried in my hair. I told her there was prob glitter, too. It was a fun night!
I found a guy who will take me to the Olive Garden and he is CONVENTIONALLY ATTRACTIVE.
My bail money is reserved for people I either A, think were in the right, or B, have an awesome story that leads up to needing it. Just remember that before you call me.
UGH I HATE BEING THIS WAY IM GOING TO GO HUG THE CACTUS YOU GOT ME
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