it was the least impressive dick i've ever seen... and i've changed babies' diapers.
he texted me at 1 in the morning to ask if i wanted to come over and play in the snow with him
at least he gets points for a creative booty call
I love having a vagina, its like having the keys to a city
I'm having a flashback of telling a guy that he was beautiful and graceful like a unicorn while playing shuffleboard.
It is scary how often "just flash him" is your advice.
My roommate said I banged on the wall and said, "this dude eats pussy like a champ."
You have to understand, he didn't so much come out of the closet as he backflipped out of it with an accompanying marching band.
They sleep with other people as long as there is no oral. Logic and reason were thrown out the window a long time ago with them.
I just used a thesaurus to write a sext...
With great liquor, comes great irresponsibility. Remind me of this night tomorrow.
The only time we had a decent conversation was when he was on acid, and, like, that's not a great start to a relationship.
It's official cum is not a great leave in conditioner
So I scratched the whole boyfriend plan and got wasted. Wanna try again tomorrow?
You fell asleep while I was sucking your dick
You abruptly started screaming because they had and I quote “calamari on the hoof”
Randomize
