oh good, I think they're gone
the painters?
my herpes
Why are you at a bar in Connecticut?
Long story. One that now involves lots of delicious chicken wings om nom nom
omg i can't drink anymore.. i just pulled up my dress and started playing with my vagina
two drunk chicks are talking to me about reinacting 2girls1cup
ill bring the camera dont start without me
this girl im hooking up with thought my ring was a purity ring... apparently im taking it too slow
he had to fake a sneeze attack to hide the fact he came in 15 seconds?!
so its atleast an 8 for creativity.
I started to trust fall random people on the dance floor
dude there is absolutely no room for a slide in our room
As part of the off-hours team building exercises, I had my new coworkers figure out to push me back to the hotel from the nearby bars in a shopping cart every night for a week.
His penis contains the glue that keeps this relationship together.
After getting kicked out of the bar, you proceeded to McDonald's, ordered 30 nuggets, slammed them all back in 5 minutes and then stole 3 traffic cones...how you only got charged with drunk in public is beyond me.
Drank your wedding present. Sorry
The condoms have been found. I repeat: THE CONDOMS HAVE BEEN FOUND. he isn't a collector!!!
I'm glad that we laid to rest the suspicion that he was keeping them in a scrapbook. yayy
If I had a dollar for every functioning brain cell you had I would owe someone a lot of money
His sex game is strong it’s like a warlord’s dick! you know what I mean?
Nope
Randomize